11.30.07
Question my Sanity
One of the many things I looked forward to and then enjoyed over the holiday weekend was the opportunity to have a long conversation with my boyfriend’s father. I value his insight and advice because he does not sugar-coat anything for me. He listens to how my life and my job are going and then he bluntly tells me what he thinks I should do, and I appreciate that! This past weekend was no exception.
I explained to him some of my frustrations with work and expressed my fear that I am heading into a rut because I have accepted the monotony of my job and my evenings after the job. He said, “You are in a rut; I can tell. You need to kick it in gear and do something about it.” Then he proceeded with a phrase he said he still goes by:
“You’re not doing something right if your family/friends aren’t questioning your sanity.”
I laughed at first and dismissed the phrase as we moved on to discussing ways I could make changes in my life, but here I am a week later still mulling over that phrase. Maybe he’s got something here.
If you’re not doing something out of the ordinary, something your friends might consider crazy, you’re most likely doing something very normal and something that’s expected of you. Where is the challenge and personal growth in that? I have to say I was inspired to pick a date and make some serious changes with the normalcy in my life.
What would I have to do for my friends & family to question my sanity? I could think of several interesting and crazy things to try…
I could quit my job with great benefits to be a temp. where I could try lots of different jobs to find a better fit for me.
I could audition for professional singing or dancing gigs.
I could go back to school for a master’s in music, just because I love it.
I could attend cosmetology school, because I love styling hair and I’m great with people. And maybe one day open my own salon.
I could become a Pilate’s or yoga instructor.
I could turn my love of knitting into a business.
I could try a year of teaching. (everyone in my family already has)
There are tons of things I could think of doing with my life/career where people would definitely question my sanity. Would they be worth it? Who knows? Would I always wonder if I didn’t try any of them? Definitely!
What crazy things would you do? List as many as you can think of. It’s cathartic. I promise.
~DC
11.21.07
Outrage!
Is anyone else as outraged as I am about the “beat the bitch” question a McCain supporter asked him??? To me that signals a total lack of respect and a cheap shot at the first credible female presidential candidate. To me, it’s just as bad as asking how we “beat the (insert derogatory racial label here)” when referring to Obama and Richardson. And to top it off, it infuriates me that the speaker was a woman. Has she no self-respect??? Am I overreacting?
Re: Thanks be to Coffee and College
True, it’s much more glamourous from the outside to think about moving away to a big city. But glamour aside, it’s an esteemed move to make. You made a move and took a chance. You’re on an adventure! You’re doing something most people never dare to.
It’s true that sometimes big cities aren’t everything they’re cracked up to be (traffic, ENORMOUS rent payments, etc.) but I figure that this is the best time in our lives to be here.
Have you thought of making a list of everything you’d like to do/see before you eventually move away? I went so far as to buy a guidebook so I don’t miss out on any lesser-known, but still appealing attractions. Then, make it a point to check off one or two things a month. This might help with making sure you take advantage of every thing the city has to offer while you’re there.
I definitely understand your “grass is greener” perspective though. I’m extremely happy here in LA, but sometimes I still find myself missing Nashville and Seattle. But I know once I took the initiative to move to either one, I’d be missing LA just as much, thus, my quandry. I guess there’s more than one perfect city for each of us, after all. 
Thanks be to Coffee and College
You’ll never guess where I am! That’s right, back in that sacred place that we are trying to recreate here in our blog – the coffee shop! It is strange, I must say, to be back in my college town sitting in the coffee shop where I spent many hours and many dollars on coffee trying to make it through study sessions and long conversations. I feel old (though I know I’m not) and as if I’ve lost something that I can never get back.
As I was studying the wall menu to see what had changed in the last year since I had been here, I didn’t even notice the cashier who was an old music colleague. We chatted for awhile (holding up the line), finding out what the other had been up to since the last time I was on campus. Two things stuck with me from our conversation:
1. When I told him that for the past year I have been living in Washington, D.C., he said, “Wow, that must be a great city. Do you love it?” And of course, I mustered some fake enthusiastic response and followed it by something about new cities taking time to get used to.
2. Then when the conversation turned to him, he told me of his lack of plans post-graduation and how he is thinking of taking some additional and different courses to prolong the college experience. “I’m in no hurry to enter the real world,” he said.
First of all, isn’t it interesting how the city, job, etc. that I find to be simply OK sounds so cool to someone who isn’t there doing what I do? I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I found myself wishing that I could appreciate more the opportunities I have in the big city where I’m living. I also found myself wishing I hadn’t been in such a hurry to finish college and get out on my own – enter the “real world”. Maybe he was on to something in prolonging college to explore other areas of study. I know that is an expensive option not available to everyone, but I wanted to tell him that the “real world” is not all it’s cracked up to be.
However, in the spirit of it being the day before Thanksgiving, I don’t want to be a complete pessimist, so I will say that I am thankful for all the people throughout my college experience who helped me become who I am today. I am grateful for that. And I am thankful for my friend who was always up for a good cup of coffee and conversation. This place was never the same without you.
Happy Thanksgiving!
~DC
11.19.07
“Save It”
I wish I could say that phrase: “Save it for someone who cares” or more importantly, “Save it for someplace more appropriate.”
Why is there always that one co-worker who has the amazingly dull life, but insists on sharing every detail of it with anyone who will listen? Or the colleague who wants to hear all about everything you did this weekend so they can feel like your best friend? And why do I seem to attract these people?? Perhaps I should have been a shrink! But in all seriousness, is there not an obvious line drawn between one’s professional and personal life?
I have read several articles in the past that subscribe to the idea that you command more respect in the workplace if you keep your personal life private. I understand that there are exceptions to this with certain co-workers who become friends, but on the whole, I have to agree. The colleagues I find most interesting and most competent are the ones whose personal life is a mystery to me. I see them only as professionals and in control of their lives at work.
And what about personal relationships at work hindering work performance? Do you think that employees work better when they consider their colleagues friends or just work colleagues?
A lot of this has to do with my personality. I recently took an Interaction Style Assesment Test (http://www.jtodonnell.com/assessment/signup.htm) where I proved to be a “contemplator.” Part of this interaction style is characterized by being reserved and preferring professional relationships to personal relationships in the workplace. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t like to find a friend at work to have lunch with and discuss the happenings (or non-happenings in my case) of my weekend, but until that friend magically appears, I prefer to remain professional and mysterious.
~DC
11.13.07
Criticize Please!
Ryan Healy’s post today “Enough with the Praise Already, and start working smarter” (www.employeeevolution.com) reminded me of a recent staff meeting where this certain topic was raised:
Constructive Criticism
Apparently, the suggestion was made by a VP of our company that employees should complete a “survey”, if you will, on different departments and their effectiveness in the company and their usefulness to other departments. Pretty bold if you ask me, especially because this department tends to be unorganized and cause much frustration to the rest of us in need of their help. The VP of my department then asked if we, as a group, would be interested in hearing what other colleagues thought of our effectiveness in the company. Only one colleague vocalized her support and interest in constructive criticism. I will say she was rather persuasive, and I jumped on board with her. But we were still out-numbered. Everyone seemed satisfied with the way we do things and saw no need for feedback from a new perspective!
Then even more recently, the time for my performance evaluation came around and I found myself listening to all praise - while good for my ego, I was actually looking forward to some constructive criticism and honest suggestions of ways to improve my work (as this is my first “real” job).
Why would my supervisor shy away from giving me some constructive criticism, especially when she knows I am in support of it? (and I know it’s not because I am perfect) Do you think it would be a different situation if my boss were male instead of female? Or what if she were closer to my age instead of my parents’?
All I ask is for some guidance and honesty, because in the long run, it will help the most.
~Confused DC
11.12.07
Anthem of a Generation?
No doubt you’ve heard the popular song by John Mayer “Waiting on the World to Change.” I happen to think this is a great song with great lyrics, as all John Mayer’s are in my opinion. I recently heard a radio announcer refer to this song as John Mayer’s anthem and that got me thinking about the message it holds.
Do you think this could be the anthem of our generation – causing us to look forward to a time when we will have the power to change things and make them right? Or does it paint us as a generation not willing to take initiative and try to change things even when the odds are against us?
Here are the lyrics. Let me know what you think…
~DC
Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer
Me and all my friends are so misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and there’s no way we ever could
Now we see everything that’s going on with the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don’t have the means to rise above and beat it
So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change
It’s hard to beat the system when we’re standing at a distance
So we keep waiting, waiting on the world to change
No if we had the power to bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas – no more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television, what you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, they can bend it all they want
That’s why we’re waiting, waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
It’s not that we don’t care, we just know that the fight ain’t fair
So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
One day our generation is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change…
11.08.07
RE: The Likability Factor
Great topic, DC. I’m glad we’re getting around to politics.
I myself am one of those people who find Hillary to be highly qualified and likable. There are plenty of people out there who seem almost insulted that she would run for president, but I’m really not interested in their opinions on this matter. I am, however, interested in the people like you, DC, who find her to be qualified, but are on the fence about her candidacy in general. I won’t try to refute the opinion that she’s unlikable, perhaps another time. But let’s discuss why people find her to be so, and who might have a part in playing up those perceptions or attributes.
I’ll start with one popular conception of Senator Clinton, please add others:
1. She’s cold and unfeeling. Some say that any warmth she emits feels forced and every emotion seems to be conscientiously oppressed. Does this have anything to do with her gender? Giuliani doesn’t seem all that warm to me, yet I think people find him likable. Same with McCain. I’m not trying to pull the gender card, but aren’t we more taken aback by a “cold” woman than a “cold” man? We expect women to be warm, and when they’re not, it can be uncomfortable for some. I know this discussion is a slippery slope to generalizations and stereotyped, so please forgive me if I go over the edge with this, but I figure this discussion is better done somewhat flawed rather than not at all.
We can all agree there’s a very fine line here. A woman candidate (or any candidate, but perhaps more so with a woman) would not want to come off as too emotional for fear of being labeled weak and unstable (hello, Howard Dean– one emotional scream and his campaign was on the dead-end road to crazytown, after leading the polls, no less!!). So maybe Hillary’s overcompensated for that by giving this tough and no-nonsense exterior. Actually, if you’ve read anything about Obama’s wife, Michelle, she seems to have a very similar personality to Hillary, just as Barack has that same easy-going, fun loving vibe like Bill. Conceivable?
It’s interesting- whenever you see a picture of Hillary in the media, it’s never one where she’s pleasant and smiling, even though I’m sure there are plenty of campaign pictures where she’s smiling and waving to the crowds. It’s always one of her looking stern or displeased. I’m sure the prevelance of those pictures are just reinforcing the perception.
Sometimes I wonder, is she genuinely unlikable or do people and the media just keep feeding the perception that she’s unlikable. I don’t think Howard Dean is at all crazy (he went on to successfully head the DNC) but seeing that clip of his screen over and over again and listening to the pundits write him off or make fun of him could have changed my perception at the time, even if I didn’t truly believe he was guilty of being unhinged.
The Likability Factor
I was watching the Today Show this morning as I do every morning (when I should be getting ready for work) when they did a short segment on a recent poll regarding the fierce competition between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. I promptly sat down, make-up in hand, to see what results they had found.
According to the poll, when it comes to likability and trustworthiness, Obama wins hands-down. But when it comes to experience, knowledge, and most likely to get the job done right, Clinton takes the polls. It raised a question for me about what factors will be most important to the American public when choosing the Democratic candidate, assuming it comes down to these two.
As a voter, would I be able to overcome the fact that I dislike someone and choose her because in my gut I know she has the experience for the job? Or would I go with a person I really like and hope that my support and his good nature will help him learn the way in his new job? I, myself, am struggling with these candidates. I’m not saying I don’t like Clinton, because I do, but there is something about Obama that just makes you want to root for him. If I put it into a real-life situation, it becomes more difficult – If I were choosing teams for a class project, it would be hard for me to pick the girl who is unfriendly and a bit too proud despite the fact that she is the most knowledgeable on the subject we are studying. I would be more likely to pick my friend because I know we would have fun and do the best we could at gathering the information.
I know that Clinton has many supporters and people who do like her, but with Obama winning the polls in this category and what we know about human tendency to stick with those we like, does she have a shot even with her experience and knowledge?
~DC
11.06.07
Dodging the Classics
I’m in the habit of reading msn’s Slate Magazine (www.slate.com) almost every single day. Last week, they celebrated “Fall Book Week” and featured a story that asked modern writers about their “gravest literary omissions: the most important books they’ve never read”. To read that article: http://www.slate.com/id/2176907/
Granted, I’m only 22 years old, and there’s a lot I haven’t read, but I have time to make up for that. So while there are many important books I haven’t yet read, I’ll just comment upon the author that I should have read by now but haven’t.
Introducing Mr. Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain. I have visited the house where he entered this world in Hannibal, Missouri, but my eyes have never read the exploits of Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, a Connecticut Yankee, or any other concoction of who Faulkner calls “the father of American literature”.
This omission was never deliberate until recently, when I read that Twain was quoted as saying “any library is a good library that does not contain a volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book.” The nerve. Being an Austen fan myself, I don’t think this bodes fairly on my chances of liking Mr. Twain, but I suppose that such a reaction does not warrant my unwillingness to give it a chance. I only stumbled upon this quote a few months ago, so I don’t know how I was able to manage to avoid his work all through school.
So that’s my grave omission in literature. I’m working on repairing that, but for now, I’ll ask the question of you and anyone else who might like to respond. We love comments!!
~LA
